Things can change quickly. 2 years ago we had just gone into covid lockdown. Just before then I had been scratching around Spain and Portugal as free as a bird. Plans of more travels, bike related business ideas, excitement in general.
The now is a very different place… Read back through previous posts to get an idea of how things have changed. The past is gone. A whole pile of lessons. The future … I once thought that I had an idea how things would play out. I was so very wrong. Just have to roll with the “now’.
“Regrets, I’ve had a few” … Sinatra. Don’t we fucking all Frank!. They don’t serve us however unless we understand why and change accordingly for the correct reasons. We will all be judged on our past, especially by people who have no desire to understand, emphasise or who are just full of hate.
I am accepting of change, in circumstance, in others and in myself. We have to change otherwise we are not growing. Change can be towards the negative however. Circumstances create stress, anger and resentment. Not a healthy place to be in, yet we all need to have a bit of fight in us. (My default mode when I was younger was to fight and be correct/heard … Egotistical prick. Much less so now. Either maturity or burn out )
Sunnier days are coming and I have a dilemma. I am spending time at a house with no place to keep a motorbike. I have been promised a very small lockup unit about 1.5 miles away, not walking distance before a ride to work. It won’t be available for a few months either. Not ideal but better than nothing.
The odd thing is, my sanctuary, my alone time, riding around in big circles with my head in a fibreglass dome, feels much less of a priority. I have no burning desire to escape for a few hours. I don’t feel I need to. A prime example of change.
It is not because that I can no longer just decide on a whim that I am downing tools and heading for the hills as my bike is metres away. It is something very different.
Also, although this might sound morbid and counter intuitive, when I am in a happy place, my own mortality becomes way more on my radar. Bikes can be dangerous, especially when sharing strips of tarmac with cagers who are distracted (I am one of them sometimes).
Of course this will probably all change when it is warmer, others are scratching around on their bikes. I have been here before. The voice in your head is not always telling you the truth. Now, I could happily sell my bike and spend the money on experiences … Yet I can see me wanting a bigger bike for traveling in the future. One of the many battles my over active, crazy mind has with itself.
Probably something that I need to ponder after a few hours on a bike 😉
On a different note, I contacted a certain sales guy via Facebook who I mentioned in the below post. I sent him a link and explained why I had not been to thank him personally. The response “It made my day”. Lovely man.